myth #5

This one slipped by me last time.



The first problem is it shows them defending San Francisco. Real Marines hate San Francisco. Don't ask me why. We just do. We wouldn't defend it if the President begged us to. But the main problem is it teases you. All they do in the commercial is spin their rifles around. I don't know why they'd make a commercial that shows you nothing but one drill movement, when we're capable of so much more:



Okay, only a tiny minority of us are capable of that. But why wouldn't they put the cool stuff in the commercial? If you're thinking, "But that's not a myth, It's a complaint," then consider this. If it weren't a myth, could I do this?

boot camp myths

There are some "join the Marines" commercials out there that might be giving people the wrong idea about us. So I've taken it upon myself to undermine our advertising. Let's do this.

Myth #1

This commercial makes it look like your drill instructor will tell you not to quit.


I won't say that wouldn't happen, but it's pretty unlikely. That is, they don't inspire you through encouragement and positive reinforcement, but through the opposite of those things. You're 1,000 times more likely to hear, "I hope you drown."

"I'm not terribly fond of you."

Myth #2


This one shows recruits lining up on the Yellow Footprints, and responding to a command with "Yes Sir!" You only say "yes" in response to a question. When you're told to do something, it's, "Aye aye Sir." This might seem like a small issue, but it's one more mistake will get a recruit treated extremely harshly for hours. A recruiting commercial is a little early to be setting a guy up for special murder time (that's what we call corrective training).

Myth #3


In the same commercial, one recruit knocks down the other in a pugil stick fight, and then helps him up. They wouldn't actually be allowed to help each other up. In fact, they can't stop beating each other until specifically instructed. This is just a rumor, but I heard you get extra money for killing the other guy.

Myth #4

They say Marines fuck Yeti. I don't know where that came from, but it's not true. Yeti itself is a myth, first of all. And to say we fuck it is obviously intentional slander. And the numbers don't work out. If Yetis did exist, there would be way fewer of them than there are Marines, and they're in remote locations. The logistics would be a nightmare.

august 1th

I'll get out of here somewhere around that date, everyone who wants to know.

Let's see what's on PostSecret this week!


Classic.

Meanwhile, Natalie Dee asked a question I often ask. You'll probably have to click this:


I'm glad I'm not the only one who doesn't understand women.

spend your hard-earned money on grateful needy people

Why not take some of the money you were going to spend on killing people and use it to help people instead? These guys are on the ground in Haiti, so your money can cause fast, convenient help where you need it most. Leave the killing to me.

heh

the singularity is coming all over my face

I watched/read a couple of these free undergrad Yale courses several years ago and they were the most fun ever. I've been waiting patiently for them to put up some more courses, and it's finally happened. Or maybe it happened months ago. I don't check often. Biomedical engineering is my favorite subject in the world. I can't wait to watch the vids and do the homework like I'm really there. This is going to be the best non-female thing that happens to me all year.

Meanwhile, I made this funny Hitler vid. All the acting and singing were done by me. You won't get the joke unless you've seen those other funny Hitler vids based on the same joke, from the same scene in Downfall.

vacation pictures!

My computer got stolen, and I've been busy with classes, and I went on vacation. That's why I haven't been here much. I guess I'll have to come up with a really great post to make up for it. So get ready because I'm about to unleash the coolest shit you'll ever see. Vacation pictures!



















The brown people are my niece and brother, the Terminator was my college roomate, the white people are my bitch and friend Nate, the fish in the Christmas tree was his, the middle fingers are all mine, and so is the bigger penis.

Meanwhile, I saw Avatar and I have to review it. The "Yay nature!" aspect of it was totally disgusting. What's the motive of the planet-mind/spirit thing? To keep the balance of life? That's just survival. A thinking thing should have goals beyond that. Preserving nature isn't an end in itself. Nature sucks. It's full of things that eat each other and die painfully. We only preserve it because it's our only means of survival. If you're a super planet-mind thing and you control everything, then to keep the creatures eating each other, never leaving the planet, and never really doing anything with their lives, would be pure evil. Maybe she has some big purpose beyond our comprehension, but if she can't think of any way to work toward that purpose without making creatures eat each other, I don't trust her. They should have put that stupid planet out of its misery.