how i joined our beloved corps

I used to eat really fast. When people would be out eating with me, they'd ask, "Why are you eating so fast?" And I'd say, "Because I'm a Marine." I'd never even considered joining the Marines. I just thought it was a funny thing to say. But one day, I was out with my roommate's son, picking up a pizza. He was looking for a referral, and I was under the influence of ghetto beer.


He struck with the cunning of an experienced salesman. "You look like you'd make a good Marine." (I didn't at all. Still don't.) I scratched my chin, realized he was talking to me, and shouted, "Heal yeah!" And I agreed to talk to his recruiter the next day. After that, and some thorough internet research,


I was like, "Sign me up!" So here I am, being all Mariney, and eating slow as hell. It struck me quite how slow I've been eating when I was looking at the sign out sheet at the front desk.


I can't explain it. Maybe I resent how they made me eat even faster than usual in boot camp. So there you go, everyone who was annoyed by my shovelly eating habit. I hope you're happy.

is biology more basic than physics?

There's an old joke in science called "physics envy." Physicists say that all other fields of science are just narrower applications of physics, therefore all other fields of science are bitches.

Here's the lolcat version:



There's some truth to it. Physicists are the only scientists who are seriously working on a theory of everything. Sometimes they're modest and call it "quantum gravity," but it's really a theory of everything.

Now, I'm more of a reader of biologists' blogs, and I usually find myself sympathising with them, so this joke bothers me a little. There's a hope deep in my brain that some day, somehow, biology will be found to be more basic than physics, and then we will have won. That day might have arrived.


You might not want to watch the whole video, since it's a half hour long, and the guy's bald, so I'll try to summarize: Everything in the universe, including life, computer programs, engineering, and the universe itself, is a program in the computational universe. The computational universe is the set of everything that can possibly exist. Specifically, everything that, in principle, can be simulated by a computer, which covers everything that can exist.

Since life forms sport some pretty complicated programs, with even more complicated outputs, he says that maybe biology explores a wider swath of the computational universe than physics. In searching for the theory of everything living, will biology stumble upon the theory of everything else?

Of course not. Physics has lasers and sattelites and the biggest machine ever built. But it was nice to believe the dream for a half hour.

And since I have my funny pictures folder open, here's this:

argument for christianity

Actually, it's an argument that God is just and elegant despite the existence of Hell. So it would apply equally to Islam, and any other religion I don't know about that has a Heaven and Hell. But Islam and religions I don't know about are gay.

Other religions.
Hell is a problem for theodicy* because it's kind of an extreme form of punishment. How can anyone deserve unimaginable pain forever? It's more understandable, if not any more appealing, if you look at Heaven and Hell as not a reward and punishment, but as logical necessities. God can be excused for being extreme if He's bound by His only master, logic. In case your monocle popped out on that last sentence, let me try to ease your mind. If you believe logic is a universal law that even God must follow, then it shouldn't trouble you. If you believe logic is an invention of God, then think of it this way: God can choose to bind Himself to His own laws. He invented the laws of morality, and would never break them. Also, He issues commands to Jesus, while being Jesus. And Jesus is mankind's king and servant at the same time. There are apparently all sorts of circular chains of command in and about God.

So I'm going to say Heaven and Hell are a logical necessity. That "logic is an invention of God, which He bound himself to" problem might still be bothering you. You might ask, "Why would God invent the kind of logic that makes Hell necessary? That still seems rather mean." I wish I had an answer for that, but my brain's already twisted in a knot. Moving on.

Imagine a community of people who live forever. It's not as easy as it sounds. What kind of person would you be after living in another world, filled with constant joy (or pain), for 60 quadrillion years? That's just the beginning of eternity. But let's try to make predictions anyway. A good guideline would be to take something in this life that's a function of time, and setting the time factor to infinity. Take one of your relationships. Does it get better or worse with time? When the relationship encounters tension, do you react with hostility, causing more tension, or understanding, causing less tension? It's probably hostility sometimes and understanding other times, but we're looking for an overall trend. Multiply the trend by infinity, and that's what your relationship will look like in eternity.

Heaven isn't all orgies and cupcakes. It's about community.
Heaven is a community of people who live forever. If they're going to enjoy their infinite time together, they have to be the kind of people who react with understanding. They have to be the kind of people who can maintain good relationships. The kind built on love and kindness and all that shit. Those traits are requisite to get into Heaven not because God wants to reward you for them, but because Heaven just wouldn't work otherwise. And Hell would be the alternative for the unqualified. The annoying people have to go somewhere.

I'm not touching you. Forever.
Infinity has a way of simplifying things. It might not be clear where your relationships are going. Or if it is, it might not be clear whose fault it is. But you'll find out when you die.**

*The branch of theology that deals with the problem of evil.
**If there are afterlives.

spongebob squarepants

One of the half-serious jokes commonly used by NCO's in the Corps goes like this: "I've got a promotion coming up, but I don't care. If you do that again, I'll throw my career away. It'll be worth it to kick your ass." And that's what our PT staff sergeant said to the guy who sings Spongebob Squarepants cadence.

album review: far

Regina Spektor is having sex with my ears. She is clinging monkey-like to my head and pounding away. And her hallucinogenic choir machine is having even more sex with my ears. Or maybe it's a real choir. Either way, those airy "OOOAAAAHHH" voices are raping me to deaf. I have whiplash from all the musicians slamming my cranium. Strangely, my favorite track, Eet, doesn't have the choir at all. I don't know what an eet is, but I'm sure I'll be disappointed whenever I find out, because the song won't be as whimsical and goofy anymore. But then I'll be re-appointed because I'll probably find out she's singing about something grave and somber, and that will make it ironic.

The heavy subject matter combined with her usual blithe lyrics is also making love to my tender ears. I usually don't care about the words in music, but it's one more positive attribute to make tonight a very special night for my ears.

Genius Next Door was a song I loved ever since I heard it as a recording from a cafe performance. I don't like her singing quite as much on the album version, but the ear sex-crazed choir more than makes up for it.

Laughing With, as songs about God always do, makes my ears feel all repressed and guilty for enjoying their natural urges. It's not as if they had a choice. Regina never asked their permission. But logic has nothing to do with it. My ears feel like filthy whores and they love it.

clarification

In case that last post gave you the impression that I'm a weak ass, I should mention that the staff sergeant leading us was running like crazy because were short on time.

pt

My last PT session was a lot of fun. Especially the cadences. Here are some that I remember:


Motivator: Next motivator won't you come on out

Platoon: NEXT MOTIVATOR WON'T YOU COME ON OUT

We want to hear you scream and pass out

WE WANT TO HEAR YOU SCREAM AND PASS OUT

...

Breathe it in

BREATHE IT IN

Puke it out

PUKE IT OUT

...

Oooooooooh who lives in a pineapple under the sea?

SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS

Spongy and yellow and porous is he

SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS

If nautical nonsense be something you wish

SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS

Then drop on the deck and flop like a fish

SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS

Spongebob Squarepants

SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS


Electronics students apparently take PT less seriously than other Marines. I'd never PTed before sunrise before, and it's really cold out here. So I was burning on the inside and freezing on the outside. It was totally fascinating feeling. I almost kept up with the leader. I was only like 10 yards behind at the end of the first mile. That put me in 10th place among about 80. We took a break and then I fell back like 50 yards for the second mile. I was a lot less motivated for that mile.