Sunday, March 28, 2010

i guess it's sublime week here on the blog

This picture takes my breath away. Click for more pixels and other paintings by the guy.

Saturday, March 27, 2010

now it's july 2th

I graduate on July 2th now, but that might be subject to more, smaller changes. I'll be running around in Indiana a few days after that. Let's see what's on PostSecret!

Okay! And here's a comic maker who's as bemused as I am by intercourse sitreps. Might have to click to read:


What else? Here's a story about happiness. Pretty boring, but there was one thing it said that fucked my shit: "It may sound counterintuitive, but people who spend more of their day having deep discussions and less time engaging in small talk seem to be happier..."

That's one of those beliefs most people have, and I don't, which is shocking whenever I'm reminded of it. People think the Deepest Truth of the universe is a black pit of despair, and you must avert your eyes to save your sanity. Well, it is, but that doesn't mean you should avoid the subject, as if you can escape from the universe. Trying to hide makes it worse.

Here's a story about ancient X-women which is interesting enough, but there's something the reporter wrote which is even more interesting: "Mitochondrial DNA comes from the cell's powerhouses and is passed down the maternal line only."

You see, there's an unwritten rule of all human interaction that says if you mention mitochondria, then you have to also mention that they are the cell's powerhouses, and vice versa. If he had obeyed that rule, he'd have written, "Mitochondrial DNA comes from mitochondria, the cell's powerhouses..." But he didn't. It wasn't a mistake, as he clearly knows what he's talking about. What's happening is the rule is being repealed. Its mission has been accomplished. The world finally knows that mitochondria are the cell's powerhouses. Things are going to be alright.

Finally, I'm setting up a LAN with my desktop (not shown) and netbook.

I'm using both of those mice. That's fucked up.

Sunday, March 21, 2010

i finally reveal why i don't like marijuana

People are always asking me, "What time is it?" And I say that's a very interesting and difficult question. I have wondered for years why I don't like marijuana. I must apologize to those people to whom I haven't been able to give a satisfying answer, until now. I should warn you that this post is a lot of navel gazing. If you aren't actually one of those people who have wanted to know why I don't like weed, you might not care for it at all.

My distaste has defied analysis. Marijuana is a chemical that makes you an idiot. Based on my experience with another chemical that makes me an idiot, I should love it. Why do I like being drunk but not high? The key, as I just now figured out, lies in the sublime. The sublime is a humbling feeling of awe evoked by big, powerful, and amazing things. It's my favorite feeling. Marijuana increases your sense of the sublime. That should be even more cause for me to like it, but it's actually the problem.

My sense of the sublime is, to me, accurate, sophisticated, and reliable. If I tell myself something is sublime, then I can be confident I'm telling myself the truth. And marijuana fucks with that. It tells me everything is more sublime than my own sublimeness auditing system can verify. In fact, my sublimeness auditing system knows I'm lying to myself. My sense of the sublime, you see, has a logical component which a simple adjustment of my emotions can't fool. It is positively offended by such an adjustment.

Alcohol distorts my feelings, but apparently it doesn't distort any of the ones I'm touchy about. The thoughs I have while drunk, while retardilicious, are at least honest. When recalling them the next day, I can say, "Yes, those drunken thoughts did reflect my true feelings." They might have done so in a funhouse mirror way, but they still contribute something to my internal conversation. The distortion caused by marijuana, however, contributes nothing. It tells me things are amazing when I know they aren't. That's so annoying.

Important note! I have not used any illegal drug since the date specified on my service record. And I'm not gay.

Saturday, March 13, 2010

myth #5

This one slipped by me last time.

The first problem is it shows them defending San Francisco. Real Marines hate San Francisco. Don't ask me why. We just do. We wouldn't defend it if the President begged us to. But the main problem is it teases you. All they do in the commercial is spin their rifles around. I don't know why they'd make a commercial that shows you nothing but one drill movement, when we're capable of so much more:

Okay, only a tiny minority of us are capable of that. But why wouldn't they put the cool stuff in the commercial? If you're thinking, "But that's not a myth, It's a complaint," then consider this. If it weren't a myth, could I do this?

Friday, March 12, 2010

boot camp myths

There are some "join the Marines" commercials out there that might be giving people the wrong idea about us. So I've taken it upon myself to undermine our advertising. Let's do this.

Myth #1

This commercial makes it look like your drill instructor will tell you not to quit.

I won't say that wouldn't happen, but it's pretty unlikely. That is, they don't inspire you through encouragement and positive reinforcement, but through the opposite of those things. You're 1,000 times more likely to hear, "I hope you drown."

"I'm not terribly fond of you."

Myth #2

This one shows recruits lining up on the Yellow Footprints, and responding to a command with "Yes Sir!" You only say "yes" in response to a question. When you're told to do something, it's, "Aye aye Sir." This might seem like a small issue, but it's one more mistake will get a recruit treated extremely harshly for hours. A recruiting commercial is a little early to be setting a guy up for special murder time (that's what we call corrective training).

Myth #3

In the same commercial, one recruit knocks down the other in a pugil stick fight, and then helps him up. They wouldn't actually be allowed to help each other up. In fact, they can't stop beating each other until specifically instructed. This is just a rumor, but I heard you get extra money for killing the other guy.

Myth #4

They say Marines fuck Yeti. I don't know where that came from, but it's not true. Yeti itself is a myth, first of all. And to say we fuck it is obviously intentional slander. And the numbers don't work out. If Yetis did exist, there would be way fewer of them than there are Marines, and they're in remote locations. The logistics would be a nightmare.