how i joined our beloved corps

I used to eat really fast. When people would be out eating with me, they'd ask, "Why are you eating so fast?" And I'd say, "Because I'm a Marine." I'd never even considered joining the Marines. I just thought it was a funny thing to say. But one day, I was out with my roommate's son, picking up a pizza. He was looking for a referral, and I was under the influence of ghetto beer.


He struck with the cunning of an experienced salesman. "You look like you'd make a good Marine." (I didn't at all. Still don't.) I scratched my chin, realized he was talking to me, and shouted, "Heal yeah!" And I agreed to talk to his recruiter the next day. After that, and some thorough internet research,


I was like, "Sign me up!" So here I am, being all Mariney, and eating slow as hell. It struck me quite how slow I've been eating when I was looking at the sign out sheet at the front desk.


I can't explain it. Maybe I resent how they made me eat even faster than usual in boot camp. So there you go, everyone who was annoyed by my shovelly eating habit. I hope you're happy.